Freaky Saturday!
by Chaotic Blades
Summary: Heroes are people who are supposed to brave any danger. But what happens when they're forced to eat Harriet's cooking? And what about those who aren't heroes?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Harriet's Freaky Cooking

"Hello and good day folks. As we all know, Harriet Campbell-Raynard, a.k.a. Hattie, has never been the best of cooks. She hasn't even been the worst of cooks. In fact, her cooking is so monumentally bad it's off the charts. Now why are we talking about her cooking when it's so obvious that the word should never have been taught to her? It's because today folks, we'll be broadcasting the dangerous effects of it- from a safe distance of course. The world shall soon learn the folly of-"

"Norma, what are you doing? If you skip out of this now Sandors and Raynard will force you to eat Harriet's cooking for a week!" exclaimed Chloe. Norma shuddered then drew her friend in closer.

"Yeah but if I _do_ eat it I'll never see the light of day again. I'll go blind like him and then you'll all have to go find another Everlight to heal me," she whispered conspiratorially.

"Are you sure? Last time when Coolidge got poisoned a simple recover eres and three first aids worked just fine," said Chloe with no trace of sarcasm.

"Oh please! Senny only breathed in the fumes. We actually have to eat it this time!" panicked Norma. She waved her arms in the air to emphasize her point.

"Even Coolidge? I thought it turned out he was allergic?" asked Chloe.

"Do you think Hattie cares? Do you remember why we're even doing this?" demanded Norma.

--------------------------------------- _Flashback_

_"So when are you going to try out my new recipe like you promised?!" fussed Harriet. She held up a sheet that said "Harriet's Harriet Cake". "I'm the first person to use Harriets in food! You said you would try it!"_

_"What are you talking about? We never said anything about trying it! Besides, I'm allergic. Alcott made me promise on the pain of death that I never eat your food again!" yelled Senel. Harriet frowned and leaned forward._

_"If you don't eat it I'll tell everybody what it is you've been muttering in your sleep, loverboy. Senel and-"_

_"Fine!"_

_"Just 'cause Senel's bein' spineless, doesn't mean I'm givin' up without a fight!" announced Moses. Once again she leaned close._

_"If you don't eat it then I'll show everyone your diary and what you say about Jay in it," she said smugly._

_"What're you talkin' 'bout? I haven't wrote nothin' 'bout Jay in there. Like hell I'll eat your grub!" shouted Moses._

_"What about that friend of yours hidden in the closet?" Slyness practically dripped off her voice._

_"Grrr…."_

_"Well Jay? You don't want me to give it to the Oresoren instead, do you?"_

_"You…! Very well. It seems I have no choice," he grumbled through gritted teeth._

_"Norma, I'll tell Chloe and Shirley what you were saying while we were following Dad, Jay, and Chloe on that boat while Senel was fixing the motor," threatened Harriet._

_"Whoa, C and Shirl would stomp all over me! I'll eat it without a fight, geez."_

_"Shirley, I know you're too kind to refuse. You wouldn't break my heart like that. Would you?" Harriet said pitifully._

_"Uhhh, ummm, I-I guess I'll try it…."_

_"Chloe, I'll tell everyone that __**YOU CAN'T-**__"_

_"I'll eat it!!!"_

_"Grune, you always eat my food. I won't have to convince you. Same with you Dad. Everyone else, meet me at noon at Dad's house!" cheered Harriet._

_"How did we get into this again?" grumbled Senel._

_End Flashback--------------------------------------------_

"Ugh, don't remind me," groaned Chloe.

"What I want to know is what's so bad that Senny actually got up on time all on his own. I mean, that makes it seem almost like he's grown up or something," commented Norma. Just then the door flew open.

"You two quit dawdling! Even Senel and Moses are already here!" screamed Harriet shrilly. The two teens shuddered and followed the young girl to their doom. Literally.

---------------------------------- Inside ------------------------------------------------------------

Everyone looked dubiously at the "supposed" cake. It was green (which is surprising, considering that Harriets are pink flowers and they were used as the flour). What little icing she did put on at first glance resembled that stuff that you see in porta-potties, except with brighter blue and smaller clumps of brown and yellow. The whole "cake" greatly resembled the leaning tower of Pisa and, strangely enough, a three-year-olds first drawing of a scallop. There was some unidentifiable type of what appeared to be fruit or some kind of vegetable that was almost visibly wilting in the exact center.

Our brave heroes have faced black mist, insane Ferines, the Wings of Light, the Nerifes Cannon, a whole army, bloodthirsty ninjas, angry galves, walking ramen noodles, traumatized Chloe, and even lord of all beasts, five gaets. But nothing, I mean _nothing_, in their job description stated they would have to put up with _this_. In fact they wouldn't even be here if they didn't already know that Harriet _would_ go through with her threat.

"Well, one bite can't hurt… can it?" hoped Will in a falling attempt at optimism. They all sighed and took the fatal first bite.

They all promptly collapsed to the floor.

---------------------------------- At the Bridge ---------------------------------------------------

They say that sometimes traumatic events are so horrible they can raise the dead. Now normally you wouldn't believe that. But Harriet's cooking would traumatize even Nerifes, calm or otherwise. So it's no surprise that out of nowhere appeared Vaclav, Cashel, and Melanie. The three dusted off their clothes, set their bearings, and started on their way to Werites Beacon to find out how they came back to life.

------------------------------------- At the Wings of Light --------------------------------------

Solon stood up and for a moment shuddered. He just sensed the most horrible thing and wasn't sure just what it could be…. It wasn't dead but it wasn't alive either…. He headed to everyone's favorite town to find out more.

-------------------------------- In Will's House ----------------------------------------------------

Senel woke up and the first thing he did was scream. And scream and scream and then he stretched with a yawn. Unfortunately, his screams woke up his companions who were all lying on the floor near him.

"Would ya quit screamin' Bubbles?" groaned Grune irritably.

"Indeed. You're acting like that stupid bandit," mocked Chloe.

"Honestly, you should all settle down," ordered Shirley, " Especially you Norma." Then the three did a double-take at their voices. _That stupid cake changed our voices! _thought Jay.

"Who are you calling Norma? I'm Senel, remember? Norma's the hare-brained chick," he said in annoyance.

"Hey, I heard that!" Jay yelled," You're all just jealous of me, the great Norma, world-class treasure hunter!"

"Norma, Jay, would you two stop playing around? Honestly Jay, I thought you at least had some sense," grumbled Senel. Wait, Senel?!

"Aahhhh! Ah, ah, yahhhhhhhhhhh!" screamed Senel. He looked down to see a tight-fitting yellow outfit and _boobs_. "Oh Nerifes, what did I do to deserve this? Why is it my life has always sucked?! A war orphan, being in Vaclav's army, losing Stella, letting Shirley get kidnapped! Why Nerifes?! Why?! Why do these things always happen to me?!"

"Norma? Your having a Coolidge rant. This isn't funny anymore."

"Chloe, look down. Look at yourself. I'm sure you'll understand why I'm saying this," advised Senel. Chloe looked down and saw: _an alliance marine uniform!_

"Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!" she screamed, jumping up," Oh Nerifes, I'm inside Coolidge!" That caused everyone else to look down in apprehension and see who they were on the outside.

"Holy crap! I'm inside of JJ!" yelled Norma.

"I'm… in Chloe? Everyone, I think we should state our names so that we all know where everyone is," stated Jay calmly. Well, as calmly as someone who's never so much as touched a girl can be when they're trapped inside of one.

"Whoa! Grune's ten times hotter up close," said Moses, completely ignoring Jay.

"It's me, Will. I'm inside… Shirley? That's unexpected," he said.

"Ahh! I-I-I… I'm in M-Moses! Um, um, I'm Shirley," she stuttered. She felt her knees get weak and was glad she was standing.

"Oh my. You all look like you're having so much fun. Wheee! Oh. Was I wearing this this morning?" wondered Grune from inside Will.

"We can't let anyone know what happened," snarled Senel. He was about to go on when the door burst open and the last people they wanted to see burst in.


	2. 2: In Which Acting

I really meant to put an author's note in last chapter but I forgot which is probably a good thing. You don't _really_ want to listen to me talk now do you? Anyways, I have no clue why on the last chapter it didn't save my indents so please bear with me. Ummm… I think I forgot something I was gonna say. Something important.

Oh yeah! Their voices all sound like that of the body they're in but I type the names of the people/souls saying it, not the body they're in. But for this chapter, until Vaclav finds out what happened, I'll be stating which body says it, not the person/soul saying it. So enjoy the next chapter!

----------------- Chapter 2: In Which Acting is Butchered Beyond Repair -------------

Vaclav strode into the room, coolly observing the obvious discomfort of the group. If anyone would know something about it, it would be the information dealer, Jay the Unseen. He looked around the room smugly; he'd always known his presence sent chills down their spines!

"Vaclav!" exclaimed the girl in yellow. Norma, was it? She curled her hands into fists and got into the battle stance of an experienced martial artist.

"Cool- Norma, wait a second. It's best not to rush into things," cautioned Senel.

"I'm surprised. I never expected to hear caution from you, traitor. Private Senel Coolidge, of the Special Operations Department," said Vaclav smugly.

"Oh, uh, yeah. What about it?" floundered the marine, trying to sound tough.

"I'm just surprised. The smartest thing you've ever done was to wait until you were at the Ferines Village before deserting. Don't look so surprised. I told you before that I remember you now, pipsqueak eren," continued Vaclav. Senel looked confused for a moment. _Perhaps I should use smaller words next time so the pipsqueak eren can understand,_ he thought. "In fact, right now you've left the Merines unprotected." Senel and Norma whirled around and dashed towards where Cashel had her captive.

"That's enough. Settle down," she commanded. Then the pitiful Merines just held up her fist and bonked Cashel on the head. He fell to the floor with blood coming out of his mouth. "It's a good thing that was an enemy. I overdid it a little."

"A little?!" yelled Jay," If that had hit me I'd be a goner! Tone it down a little Gramps!" _Wait. The information dealer said that? I guess when Melanie referred to this as the Diaper Squad she was right. Even the ninja's a little kid!_ thought Vaclav.

"Enough! I'm taking the Merines and I will getinformation on how we're alive! If I have to force it out of you with the death of your friends Unseen, then so be it!" he bellowed.

"Oh my, that sounds so pleasant," said a voice suddenly. He turned to see the sheriff of Werites Beacon skip/dancing in circles, tossing flower blossoms left and right. "We should all become good friends with the nice man shouldn't we?"

"Isn't that how that hot babe over there talks…?" Vaclav started, trailing off. _Vaclav thinks Grune's hot?!_ everyone screamed in their heads.

"Uh, uh, Gru- I mean G-Girl! Don't call Vaclav nice! He's a bad guy! Really nasty. Meeeaaaaaannnnnnn," said Norma in a panic.

"Why are you calling the sheriff of this feeble town 'G-Girl'?" asked Vaclav innocently. Well, as innocently as a guy dressed head to toe in stupid looking red armor that must weigh a hundred pounds could look.

"It's a plot! A _CONSPIRACY_ You won't get away this time Clavvy!" yelled Jay. _That brat really enjoys yelling,_ Vaclav grumbled to himself.

"Yeah! There's no way we'll let you- I'm mean, l-like hell we'll let you take Shirley away! She's my rival- I mean sister! She's my sister!" shouted Senel, having broken out into a cold sweat.

"Still keeping up with that fantasy?" he asked in amusement.

"Why you…! Demon fist!" snarled Norma. Nothing happened. "Uhhhh…. Um, O …something that … does something across the heavens, stretch forth your false pinions and learn the…uh, what was it, oh yeah! And learn the blessings of the earth! Tractor Beam!" Surprisingly it worked, despite that poor incantation used. _Wait, what if that WAS the incantation? What a powerful eren,_ Vaclav thought in fear.

"Oo, oo, oo! Pyre!" cried Jay childishly.

"Um… Wild Rain!" The bandit's voice sounded strangely hesitant.

"Bloody Howling," smiled 'that hot babe'. 'That hot babe' at the same time was checking herself out.

"EVERYBODY SHUT UP!!!" screamed Chloe, " Now then, we no longer have any real reason to hide who we really are." She was interrupted with the sound of Will yelling "Wheee!" in the background. "Let's explain everything.

--------------------------------- One explanation later ----------------------------------------------

"Ahahayahahaheheheha! Senel Coolidge, trapped inside a ditzy crystal eren," laughed Vaclav. Norma a.k.a. Senel scowled.

"Watch it. I can use crystal eres you know. And we outnumber you so don't try anything funny," he grumbled. Grune was still dancing in Will's body in the background, this time singing a song she invented called 'The Day Moses was Eaten by a Drunken Ice Cream Cone'.

"Oh I wasn't planning to. In fact I believe we should team up like the knight- I mean, like Unseen suggested," stated Vaclav.

"Agreed. The only one who hasn't approved that course of action is Senel, and even he understands the necessity of it. We both need each others help right now," said Will.

"Who can blame me if I-" He was cut off.

_ "-And that's why Moses was blue!_

_ OooooooohhhhHHHhhhhH!_

(Chorus)_Yesterday evening, there came a tale to be,_

_ Something exciting To me, to me,_

_ Sweet little Jay in victory shouted,_

_ 'Thank god, thank god, Moses is dead!'_

(Verse)

_ Moses glumly walked down the street,_

_ He was so very sad!_

_ When he stopped for a bite to eat,_

_ The food became quite mad!_

_ It chomped his nose_

_ It bit his butt_

_ It ate his toes!_

_ And kicked his gut_

_ And brave Moses was eaten whole by his snack!_

(Chorus) _Yesterday evening, there came a tale to be,_

_ Something exciting To me, to me,_

_ Sweet little Jay in victory shouted,_

_ 'Thank god, thank god, Moses is dead!'_" sang Grune happily. Everyone sweatdropped.

"Just ignore it. If you do she'll sing something different and we won't have to hear about Moses losing his butt," muttered Chloe through gritted teeth.

"Okay. We're all agreed that we'll be working together now. Jay can try to gather information and I'll analyze that cake. Maybe harriets just aren't meant to be eaten. Well, that concludes everything," sighed Will tiredly. Just then Grune began to sing again.

_ "Jay the pretty,_

_ Jay the cute,_

_ Jay the witty,_

_ He's no brute!_

(Chorus) _Jay, Jay!_

_ He's so gay-"_

"DEMON FANG!"

---------------------------------- End Chapter -----------------------------------------------------

Heheh. Gotta love Grune. You know, spell check wanted me to type 'Cashew' instead of 'Cashel'. Cashel the Cashew or Cashel the Phantom. Which makes more sense to you?

Remember, this is Grune singing but it's Will's body. This is exactly why this is placed after the character quests but still has Grune in it. Whyyyyyyyyy???!!! Why Namco? Why did you have to send away such an awesome character???!!!! She's such a ditz that even Solon would have to love her!


	3. Chapter 3

**I'd like to say first of all that I owe the idea for this chapter (as well as the fact I actually wrote it) to ****Cheea5****. So, thank you and I hope that I can write… type it well.**

**Secondly**, believe it or not, this is my idea of a serious story. And it's in the humor section. The only other story I've submitted is a parody/humor. And that's weird because I really can't make anyone laugh outside fanfiction. Then again, I live more in the world of fantasy than the world around me….

**Thirdly**, I've never been really good at romance so it'll probably take me a while to get around to that part. I might even just change it so that's not a category. So if there are any good romance writers out there who can give me some tips their skills would be greatly appreciated.

**Start chapter!**

Chapter 3: A Headache in the Making

"_Moses and Jay were yelling_

_One crazy summer day!_

_Moses had tried selling_

_Girl Scout Cookies to Jay!_

_Jay kicked his shin_

_And punched his head_

_He made a din_

_And Moses bled_

_And that's why Moses was blue!_

_OooooooohhhhHHHhhhhH!_

(Chorus)_Yesterday evening, there came a tale to be,_

_Something exciting To me, to me,_

_Sweet little Jay in victory shouted,_

'_Thank god, thank god, Moses is dead!'_

(Verse)

_Moses glumly walked down the street,_

_He was so very sad!_

_When he stopped for a bite to eat,_

_The food became quite mad!_

_It chomped his nose_

_It bit his butt_

_It ate his toes!_

_And kicked his gut_

_And brave Moses was eaten whole by his snack!_

(Chorus) _Yesterday evening, there came a tale to be,_

_Something exciting To me, to me,_

_Sweet little Jay in victory shouted,_

'_Thank god, thank god, Moses is dead!'_

(Verse)

_Jay stopped and thought_

'_I miss my friend!'_

_A plan he got_

_To counter this end_

_He went to the store_

_He spent some cash_

_He raged and he swore_

_About pricey trash_

_And he brought Moses back with a life bottle!_

(Final Chorus)

_Yesterday evening there came a tale to be,_

_Something exciting to me, to me,_

_Sweet little Jay in relief shouted,_

'_Thank god, thank god, Moses is not dead!'"_ sang Grune, clapping Will's hands. Jay by this point had stalked out of the room muttering "I never liked those god-forsaken cookies." Moses himself was pleased that Jay did like him after all.

"How was my song? Did everyone like it?" asked Grune.

"Uh, yes," fumbled Will," It was very… unique. In fact, I think I'll go, uh, meditate on the hidden meaning of it, uh, someplace… far away from here…." He slowly backed away then broke into a run as soon as he deemed it safe. Everyone else watched him go.

"Um… I… have to go do my laundry. It's… not like I don't like listening to you or anything…," said Shirley.

"I'll help," offered Senel and Chloe in unison.

"Thanks! What about you Gnorma? Moses?" asked Shirley.

"Nah. I was going to take a walk. Plus, since I'm in Jay's body I can probably get the scallops to tell me about some treasure that no one else has probably heard of!" exclaimed Norma gleefully.

"And Moses?"

"I'm fine where I am. Even if Grune's in Will's body, I know she's there. I'll just stay here," said Moses warmly.

"Well I'm off! See ya!" yelled Norma.

------------------------- In the village of Scal- Oresoren-----------------------------------------

Norma walked along, rubbing her hands together in anticipation of what treasures may lie ahead. She was walking along not paying attention to anything. _Hehehe. No treasure in the world stands a chance against me now!_ She thought in delight. And then she tripped on a rock lying _oh-so-conveniently _in her path.

"Stupid rock! Getting in my way!" cried Norma. When she suddenly felt a sharp pain on her neck. That pain was the last thing she felt, for with it came the unnatural sleep caused by sedatives.

A ninja leapt down from a crag in the rock. He checked the body to make sure he had been correct, slung the body over his shoulder, and disappeared into a cloud of smoke.

----------------------------------- In a Cave near the Alter by the Sea -----------------------------

"Ugh… wait, what?!" exclaimed Norma, looking around her," Where am I?! And why'm I tied up?! Gack! Do people really have grudges on simple information dealers like that?" _Oh, no. What if-what if it's Cashel?! He never agreed to the truce…. Vaclav agreed for him!_

"Well, well. Forget about me so soon, my _beloved_ apprentice?" A familiar man walked into Norma's range of sight. "Must be slipping if you couldn't even recognize your surroundings. And the ease with which you were captured… tsk, tsk. Your weakling _friends_ must be holding you back Jay. Haahahahhahaahahhahhaha!" cackled Solon.

"So-so! Oh, no, you weren't dead back there?!" Norma yanked on the ropes tying her to a stalagmite.

"So-so? My dear Jay, are you feeling well? Perhaps what you need is for someone… _to nurse you back to health_. How does that sound, hmmm? Hahahahahhahahaha! I've heard that a _change of scenery_ can work wonders as well. Why don't we head back to mainland and see what I can do for you? Wouldn't want my _favorite_ apprentice to feel unwell," said Solon in amusement.

_Think, Norma think! What would JJ say? _ "Answer the question! How are you still alive?"

"Did you really think I could be beaten so easily? You have much to learn. Yes… much…." Seeing the expression on Jay/Norma's face he continued. "I was never killed. Just weakened by the black mist leaving my body unexpectedly. It didn't much help that I was already covered in wounds from fighting you and your companions… but mostly you. Ah, so much untapped potential," he murmured to himself.

"W-well, why have you come back then? Isn't one beating enough? 'Cause we'll kick your ass no matter what!" Norma… yelled.

"Interesting wording there. Hahahahahhahahaha!" he laughed," Do you remember what I taught you about healing? Without Crystal Eres your body heals naturally in sleep. We should test that shouldn't we? I'm sure next time you'll have a clear head! Hahahahahhahahahahha!" Once again Norma felt that strange pain in her neck.

----------------------------------------- At the Crystal Forest ---------------------------------------

_Ugh! Why did she have to put it like that? It made me sound like some cute- or maybe rebellious- uke_(1) _with Moses as seme_(2)_! Makes me so mad!_ Thought Jay angrily. "I suppose I should head back to the Oresoren Village. I'll have to explain to them about the souls being transbodied(3)."

----------------------- End Chapter -------------------------------------------------------------------

1: Uke: Bottom person in yaoi relationship. Different types are cute, angsty, rebellious, and short. Ukes are always outdone by the seme whether it's in mass, strength, intelligence, or just popularity.

2: Seme: Top person in yaoi relationship. Different types are manly, mysterious, angsty, and mature. Semes look after ukes and make sure no one harms them. They can often be older brother figures or an idol.

3: Just something I made up so I wouldn't have to call it something like 'soul switching' or 'body switching' or 'freaky-Friday-sorta-stuff'. The Latin root 'trans' meaning 'across', making it literally mean 'across bodies'. Or rather, the souls switching across the bodies.

I know, abrupt end. I just didn't feel like typing out the whole Oresoren Village scene, 'cause after that I have to split people into two groups- the information gatherers and the people who go after Solon. Plus, I'm lazy and it would take too much time. Not to mention it would be several more pages before I could stop. No thanks, don't wanna go there!

Thanks once again, Cheea5!


	4. 4: A Glimpse of the Past

I finally realized what one of the things I forgot to type was: the disclaimer. Okay, I don't ToL, Namco (what I wouldn't give to own that!), Japan, Asia, Earth, the solar system, or the universe, blah blah blah. And what I said last chapter still applies.

**I'm begging someone to explain the inner workings of a romance fic!**

Start chapter!

"Miss Chloe! Miss Chloe!" squeaked a baby Oresoren, "Jay gone!"

Jay stopped walking and crouched down next to the toddler. "Yes, I know. He'll be back soon."

"Oooooohh. So them friends?"

"Hmm?"

"Jay back, then dark man grab'm an' run."

_Ugh, Norma! _"Wait. A dark man?"

"Dark man quiet. He sneaky like Mister Jay! Swoop down, bam! Think Mister Jay sleepy-walked. He no move when dark man grab'm!" The little otter giggled at the thought of Jay sleeping.

"I have to go." Jay ran off to tell the Scallop Brothers about everything that had happened.

"Bye-bye Miss Chloe!"

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Well, Jay? What was it you wanted to discuss?" asked Will once they were all assembled at Jay's house.

"I was heading home to explain what had happened to us when I met up with an Oresoren child that had seen Norma in my body earlier that day. Apparently a 'dark man' somehow knocked her out and kidnapped her. And according to Mappo this 'dark man' had skills in stealth similar to my own. All this leads me to believe-"

"That ninjas are involved," finished Senel.

"And not just ordinary ninjas. Ninjas don't do anything unless ordered to by a higher authority in their clan. Which means that either they have a new leader or… Solon has come back as well," stated Jay neutrally.

"Oh, how nice. We should celebrate for him. Wheee!" suggested Grune. She twirled.

"Grune… Solon is not someone we want to be celebrating the revival of," muttered Chloe as everyone else sweatdropped.

"Spinning, spinning! Oh, my head feels strange…. What was I just doing…?"

"Umm…," remarked everyone in unison.

"Fools," snorted Cashel.

"How were we ever defeated by this pathetic lot?" asked Melanie in disgust.

"And by the pipsqueak eren no less," muttered Vaclav.

"Stop calling me that!" shouted Senel. He got into his battle stance only to realize once again that: a) he was in Norma's body and b) they had a truce.

"Um, Senel? W-why does he keep calling you 'pipsqueak eren'?" asked Shirley.

_--------------------------------- Flashback ---------------------------------------------_

"_So, this is the new recruit? He doesn't look like much. I told you I wanted erens, not pipsqueak brats like this," complained Vaclav," Probably gonna go run home crying to _Mom-my._"_

"_Y-you!" For one moment Senel forgot who he was and who he was up against. He rushed in and attacked. "I don't have a family! They died in a war they had nothing to do with! And it's all thanks to you, you rotten b-bastard! __**DEMON FIST!**__" Vaclav dodged the attack and grabbed Senel by the fists._

"_So, this pipsqueak really is an eren. Well, don't just stand there, take him away! I've got big plans for him…." The soldiers grabbed him._

"_L-let me go! Leave me alone!" he yelled. "Mom…. Dad…," he finished in a whisper._

"_Oh, and one more thing." Vaclav leaned closer until their faces were only an inch away, Senel's filled with anger and fear and Vaclav's a deadly calmness. "Any war that involves the country involves the citizens. You would do well to remember that." He backed away. "Pleasant training, Cadet Coolidge. Hahahahaha!"_

_------------------------------ End Flashback ----------------------------------------------_

"…" Senel dropped his head. "…I'd rather not talk about it."

"Hahahahaha! As weak as ever Cadet Coolidge! Poor, poor Senel Coolidge, a fool of an eren. You had the chance to grasp true power and you let that chance fade into dust! I bet you still haven't told anyone about your first mission- your _real_ first mission, not the Merines one. Remember, in the lonely streets of a Rexalian city-"

"SHUT THE HELL UP, YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH!"

"Now why would I do that? I'd much rather torment-"

"SHADOW DEMON DANCE!" Everyone watched with dropped jaws (except Vaclav, who was noticeably smirking) as Senel performed an eres none of them had ever seen. He then stormed off with Chloe, Shirley, Moses, and Vaclav in pursuit.

"… We still need to save Norma and find a way to get back into our own bodies. We should form two teams. I'm too valuable for information gathering to join the rescue team. We should keep Senel and Vaclav apart so Senel will go with whomever is the best person to keep an eye on him," decided Jay," I'd say the teams should be:

Rescue Team

Chloe

Senel

Moses

Shirley

Stingle

Information Gathering Team

Grune

Jay

Will

Vaclav

Melanie

"If the teams are all right with all of you, I'll go inform the others of the groupings."

"It's your decision Jay," said Will. Jay nodded and set off after the others.

---------------------------- With Norma and Solon -------------------------------------------

"Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Agh. Nope, 'ugh' sounds way more dramatic," decided Norma, who had woken up a few minutes earlier and decided she was bored. " Man, back when I first met Senny and co this whole kidnapping thing was a lot more interesting. Or maybe it's just because I'm the prisoner this time? Whatever, this is BORING." Just then she heard footsteps and quickly pretended to be asleep.

_Wow, JJ. No wonder I can't sneak up on you! This is some pretty amazing hearing you've got._

"Ahh, Jay. Clearly sleep _did_ do you some good. Back to your old deceitful ways. HAhaahhaAHahhdaahahHahahaha! Never fear, soon everything will be back to normal. HAhaAahAHAHhHhahA!" Norma felt shivers crawl up her spine.

_JJ, Senny, you guys better get here quick!_

haahahahahaah --------------------------------------- End Chapter -------------------------------------

Yup, looks like Solon is still abusing italics. Little creep, stop freaking Norma out. She's refusing to cooperate with me, as is Jay. I started this chapter weeks ago but Jay refused to say anything at the meeting and it's ALL YOUR FAULT! Bad solon, time out!

Anyways.

This is something I decided that I wanted to write, but couldn't find a place for in the actual story. So, let me bring you:

Omake Theater 1:

(Senel is in the bathroom with Norma, Chloe, and Jay waiting in line.)

Senel: AAaaaaaaaAAAAaAaAaAaAaAHHHhhHhHh!!!! (Runs out.)

Chloe: Coolidge, what's the matter?

Senel: I need to go to the hospital right away!

Chloe: The hospital?! What happened?!

Senel: I don't know, but Norma's body is dieing!!

Norma: My body is dieing?! AAAAaaaaaaHHHHhhhhh!!

Senel: AAAAAAaaaaHHHHHhhhhhh! (Runs towards the door.)

Chloe: (Grabs Senel) Wait, Coolidge! Why do you think Norma's dieing?

Senel: B-because! There's blood everywhere!

Norma: (Stops running.) Blood…?

Jay: … (Covers eyes.)

Chloe: Coolidge…? Where exactly was the blood…?

Senel: Everywhere! All over my underwear! See, you can see it coming down my legs!

Chloe: …This isn't something Arnold can fix. No one can fix it.

Senel: Then I'm just going to die?! WHY NERIFES?! If Norma's body dies, what happens to me?

Jay: … Senel. Did you ever have The Talk?

Senel:?

Norma: -blushes-

Chloe: All girls bleed like that.

Senel: You mean all girls are going to die?! No! I can't except that! I won't let anyone else close to me die ever again! I won't let this kill Shirley! I-

Norma: Senny, C meant that it's a natural process.

Senel: Huh? (The others explain about the birds and the bees.)

Senel: W-what? Th-that's gross! People actually have to do that to have kids? That means Will…. -shudders- Ugh…. Uh, ugh, ah….

Jay: Senel…?

Senel: E-excuse me!!!! (Runs back into bathroom; the sound of vomiting can be heard.)

Norma: Besides Teach, Senny's the oldest person here. How is it he didn't know…?

Jay: Perhaps it had to do with being in the army…? No, he should've found out in the Ferines Village….

Shirley: AAHHH! SENEL, IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN! THE ALIENS ARE TAKING OVER MY BODY AND MY SOUL'S REJECTION OF THEM IS CAUSING INTERNAL BLEEDING! I HAVE TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL!!!!

N,J,C: …

Senel: That's it! Some alien species takes over us and forces us to have sex!!! Anyone who has kids is contaminated with them!

Will: Senel, what are you talking about?

Senel: S-stay back, alien!

Will: What are you talking about?

Senel: I know what you're up to now! I won't let you near me!

Will: I'm only trying to help.

Senel: You won't deceive me!!!

Will: …

Jay: (Slaps hand on forehead.)

Norma: O.o Seriously, Senny….

I'm evil. So very evil. Ah, well, at least I didn't put Vaclav in this scene. Or Grune. Things would have gone rapidly down hill if I had.

Read!

Review!

Teach me about romance fics!

…Review some more!

Laugh at all my lame jokes!

…REVIEW!

… Why have I got the feeling I'm talking to thin air? –hears echo- Ah. I see. Bye now….


	5. 5:Melanie the Crimson, the Fire of Love!

Once again I do not own Tales of Legendia, any of the characters, or their emotional issues.

So, to lengthen this author's note I'm going to tattle-tale on the characters. You don't have to listen, I just feel like complaining. As always, Norma and Jay are refusing to cooperate and Solon is just_ too_ easy to write. It's pretty scary in a way…. Senel refuses to let me write a well-written flashback and Vaclav is just an idiot. Because of how hard it is writing with said characters, I can't get Grune in the right position to embarrass the life out of Jay and Senel. But mostly Jay.

And I'm sorry to all the Jay fans! Don't worry, that isn't a pairing. I just needed a reason to have Jay all flustered and… well…. The guy has no experience with women. He was setting himself up for that. Don't kill me? –whimpers-

-------------------------- Start Chapter ------------------------------------------------------------

"Coolidge, what's wrong?" demanded Chloe," You weren't acting like yourself back there." All the others had lost him (except for Moses who, laughing, decided to give them some '_alone'_ time.) Chloe had found him at Lumen Spring and sat down next to him.

"…I don't like Vaclav. I don't trust him."

"I know that but-"

"No!" interrupted Senel," It has nothing to do with the fact Stella died. Or even Shirley or my parents. Everything he said back there in Will's house… it's all true. I…. there was this…. And it…. Never mind…. It doesn't matter anymore."

"It must matter if you're this upset. Coolidge, can't you trust me? Remember how we fought together all those times? You need to open your eyes and see how all your companions are worried about you. None of us like it when you withdraw like this! Now. Tell me what's so horrible that you have to run off like that."

"Well, you see, I was in this city in Rexalia called Kenji and…"

------------------------------- With Moses -------------------------------------------------

_Uh oh. Shirley and Vaclav have arrived. I should distract them so Chloe and Senel can have enough 'alone' time._

"Hey guys!" he exclaimed, sounding nervous.

"H-hello Moses," greeted Shirley.

"Bandit, have you seen the pipsqueak eren?"

"Yes!"

"Where is he?!" snapped Vaclav.

"Who?" asked Moses.

"Senel!"

"What about him?"

"Where is he?!"

"What do you mean?"

"What do you think I mean?!"

"That it's a surprise birthday party and you need to know where he is to start it."

"Yes, yes, it's a birthday party. So where is he?" _Filthy, stupid bandit. I'll have to exterminate him once this is all over! Senel's power will be mine!_ (Note: That was supposed to sound sort of like a Solon-chasing-Jay sort of thing.)

"On the Legacy. Duh."

"WHERE ON THE LEGACY!?!"

"I don't know."

"You're a beast tamer!"

"Yeah, but no one can tame Senel when he's feelin' grumpy. He acts like a shadow galf that's teethin'!"

"What does that even mean?"

"What, teethin' shadow galves?"

"NO! How does he act when he's 'feelin' grumpy'?"

"I told you. Like a shadow galf that's teethin'. Sometimes like a female peepit that missed a chance to mate. Or even like a teenage shadow galf that's chipped a nail."

"ENOUGH ABOUT THE DAMN SHADOW GALVES!!"

"What's this about shadow galves?" asked Senel and Chloe in unison, walking towards the trio.

"DAMN YOU, YOU STUPID BANDIT!"

---------------------- In the Oresoren Village -----------------------------------------------------------

"-Amn You, You Stupid Bandit!"

----------------------------- On the Mainland ---------------------------------------------------------

"-amn you, you stupid bandit!"

------------------------------- Will's House ---------------------------------------------------------

"Ugh, that stupid bandit. He's going to make us lose one of the few allies we have," growled Jay. Everyone except Melanie (who had a miracle gel on her) and Jay (who appeared to be unaffected by the loud shout) left with the rest of the town to go see Arnold. Melanie, meanwhile, was eyeing Jay. With a smirk she walked over to him.

"So, you're the infamous Jay the Unseen. Your body is a lot shorter than I might have expected," she 'purred'.

"What's your point?" asked Jay suspiciously. Now, his experience with women was zilch but he _could _tell when someone wanted something.

"Oh, there's no need to get so defensive. It suits you. You look much better than that filthy bandit." She had by now reached him and was closing the two foot gap between them. "I can't _wait_ until you get back into your own body." She placed her hand on his neck.

"If that's so then you should begin research right away," said Jay, jerking himself out of her reach.

"Oh I already have," Melanie said with a smirk. She began eyeing a picture on Will's coffee table of the gang on a day they went to the beach.

"Have you found out anything?" questioned Jay, happy to be on topics he could understand.

"Yes. You look sexy in that bathing suit." She pointed to the picture.

"…." Jay wasn't sure how to respond to that. _Wh-what's going on? Is Melanie…_flirting_ with me? Wh-what am I supposed to do? Okay. Calm down. Think rationally. If she's flirting with ma then all I have to do is…is…is…. Gah! Time to panic!_

"You know, that bandit was right about one thing," Melanie continued. She looked at Jay. "I am a 'horny woman'. But not his. Oh no. I'm after someone with a little more… bite to him. Get my meaning?" She got into her most seductive pose and leaned toward Jay.

"I- I must be going! I- I found information on Norma's location that must be compiled!" And with that he disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"Isn't he the cutie with his little ninja skills? Much better than that fool Cashel. As soon as all this is over, it'll be time for Operation: Seduce the Ninja."

Little did Melanie know that Solon, master of ninjas, had already tried similar things many times and failed.

-------------------------- Lumen Spring --------------------------------------------------------------

"L-let's just head back. We still need to rescue Norma," suggested Senel after he had healed their abused ear drums.

"This is all your fault Vaclav," blamed Moses," You broke my record of longest time I've gone without my ear drums getting destroyed by someone yelling at me."

"You've got to stop making Jay mad, Moses! Constantly getting your ear drums healed isn't good for you!" scolded Shirley.

------------------------------ Near the Alter of the Sea -------------------------------------

"So, how does Jay know Norma's here again?" asked Senel. The minute they had walked into Will's house, Jay pounced on them and shoved a report in their faces.

"Apparently he searched desperately for clues. I saw him talking to the Oresoren. He agreed to help search so fast that if I didn't know better, I would've thought he wanted to get away from someone or something like that," replied Chloe.

"Wow, I never knew he liked her so much," commented Senel.

"Isn't it so cute? Little guy wants his girlfriend back! Well I'll do my part to help!" grinned Moses.

"Um, Moses? Somehow I get the idea that they're not going out," mentioned Senel.

"So the guy realized how much he loved her as soon as she was gone? How sweet!" cooed Moses.

"Indeed. I never thought Jay could be so romantic," agreed Chloe.

"Isn't it the most adorable thing you've ever heard Senel?" sighed Shirley.

"Uhhhh…," Senel trailed off.

"Let's just get this over with, you pathetic little brats!" snapped Cashel. He stomped off into the cave.

"Someone's having a bad day," grumbled Moses as they all followed him into the cave.

----------------------- End Chapter -------------------------------------------------------------------

Omake Theater 2: Solon Captures Grune

Grune: (in Jay's body) Oh my. I wonder where I am. How did I get here?

Solon: Well, well. Forget about me so soon, my _beloved_ apprentice?

Grune: I don't know. Did I forget you?

Solon: You must be slipping Jay. I've never seen you so disoriented. HhahhahahahahahhaahHAHHah!

Grune: Oh, yes. Slipping's fun! You get on a sled and 'Wheeeeeeeeee' and everyone has a good time.

Solon: …I'll have to speak with Oturan about how much of that drug is wise to inject into someone.

Grune: _ Jay the pretty,_

_Jay the cute,_

_Jay the witty,_

_He's no brute!_

_Jay, Jay!_

_He's so gay-_

Solon: Oturan! Get some tranquilizer in here!

Grune: What a pretty butterfly! Little butterfly, I'm going to tell you a secret! I'm not wearing any underwear! Shhh, don't tell anyone.

Solon: What the hell is wrong with you Jay!?!

Grune: Oh, you know Jay? Such a sweet little boy isn't he? You must be a friend of his. Let's be friends!

Solon: (What has gotten into Jay? He's talking about himself in third person. I didn't know getting high on tranquilizer led to such effects.) Ahaha, Jay, you must be tired. Why don't you go to sleep? (Yes, go to sleep fool! Maybe when next you wake up you'll think sense!)

Grune: Oh goody! Can I have a bedtime story?

Solon: (WTH?!) No! Now go to sleep!


End file.
